THE KILLER

What if I told you that there is someone who is working against you? Someone who has been behind your every misstep and fall, and won’t stop until it has destroyed you completely? What if I told you that someone is you? You are your own killer.

Through many conversations with my creative friends, I’ve seen how so many good ideas just come to them. There is an abundance of great ideas that seem to fall from above, waiting to be built into something. Sadly, a vast majority of these ideas never truly see the light of day. Fears start kicking in: "Who will care if I do this?" "What’s the point if it doesn’t make any money?" "How will I do this if I'm not successful or famous?"

That is exactly The Killer at work, trapping you in a state of eternal questioning. It’s time to defeat it by taking creative action.

I first started researching this during an innovation bootcamp in Porto. We interviewed dozens of creatives, and the same pattern appeared again and again: the destructive ego that whispers, "There’s no space for you." At the same time, I was reading The Prayer of the Kabbalist (Yehuda Berg), which spoke of the Adversary—the resistance that appears whenever powerful change is about to spark. That clicked. The research revealed the destructive ego, and the mysticism described the Adversary they are the same. That’s The Killer.

There is a common theme among the questions that stop people from becoming an active creator. They are mainly related to the accumulation of material wealth and external success. I cannot blame you for this; the world has forced us to value this above anything else.

I’m not here to tell you that money doesn’t matter, or that commercial success isn’t a source of inspiration, too. For now, we simply live in a material world, and this stuff matters. The thing is, you need to understand why and how it matters specifically to you. There is always what the outside world and society expect, and what your inner self expects. These two can be vastly different once you listen.

You see, there is the theory that we develop our personalities based on three parts: 1. ID, all of our animal instincts of survival; 2. Superego, the external face we wear to fit society’s norms and expectations; and 3. Ego, the mediator between your animal side and society.

When we grow up, we are bombarded with stories and messages like “be unique and true to yourself and you will shine.” But slowly, as we mature, society throws the dirty punch of “follow the predetermined path we’ve chosen for you; don’t question it, don’t deviate.” This incoherent messaging is by no means a mistake. It is meant to break you.

Humans are collective creatures; we survive through communities and tribes. If you are in a human body, your ID (animal self) has been coded with survival mechanisms that send you into “survival mode” every time you feel like you are not part of the pack. Think about when all your friends start getting married (it tends to come in waves). You are happy for the first one. For the second one, you start feeling a bit jealous and don’t know why. The third one low-key sends you into an envy downward spiral (even though you are still posting their engagement pic on your story), and the fourth one just…

What is happening here is that your ID is triggered, thinking that if it does not find a partner, it will die by itself. Your Superego is telling you, “This is the time to get married; everyone is doing it.” And you are left in a state of impending doom because you don’t even know if you want to get married. That is when The Killer stings.

In this framework, The Killer is simply an untreated ego—the mediator trying to comply with everything it was programmed to do. Growing up, nobody teaches us to understand ourselves. They tell you to “be yourself” in the movies, but when you start showing traces of individuality, like coloring outside the lines, you see your grades going down and your parents getting angry. It’s a trap, an ego trap.

They exhaust you through this ego trap your entire life. “Buy this or you will be the only one in the group with no watch.” “Travel here; everyone else has done it already! If you don’t, then you have nothing to talk about.” “Study this, or you will not succeed in life.” Your ego, or mediator, is constantly working without proper tools. It gets weak and exhausted until it becomes compliant and destructive. Society hands you a script: "Comply or else..." Anything new or creative that doesn't serve the established system is immediately seen as a threat.

This happens at your own expense. Once your ego surrenders like that, you are no longer walking the dog; the dog is walking you. How do you treat the ego and regain your power? By working on your "self."

How? By starting to see yourself as a whole: ID, Superego, and Ego. You are not just one part; you are whole. The combination of these three parts makes a bigger fourth part that encompasses all: that is your self. You can start by listening to what your self wants to create. That is a great reason to be creative!

The following exercises are meant to help you tap into the power of your self and start reclaiming your own power. I’ve designed them inspired by the ones I’ve read and practiced in books like The Prayer of the Kabbalist (Yehuda Berg). They have been readapted to fit this creative context.